An apparition

My little brother Thomas just bought this Halloween costume for £8. Amazing what you can get from Tesco nowadays. The only problem was that one of the gloves was missing. But Thomas, undeterred as ever, cunningly disguised this fault by hanging a bat from his hand.... Obvious, really.

When I got home he jumped on me from behind. Evil boy! Today's youth don't know their place.




Considerate individual that he is, Thomas also ensured I had a costume. Can you guess which one's Thomas and which is me? Here's a clue - I generally keep my teeth in better shape.

I don't on the whole enjoy fancy dress. It can often be costly and is rarely fun. I've been to parties where I haven't bothered and everyone else has overdone it, and I've been to parties where I've really gone for it and no-one else is bothered. It's best just not to suggest it in the first place. Better still, don't have any parties. There's an episode of Black Books where Manny excitedly calls out, "let's pppaaaaarrrtttt -" to be interrupted by Bernard: "Don't you dare use the word party as a verb in my house!"

Too right.