An apparition

My little brother Thomas just bought this Halloween costume for £8. Amazing what you can get from Tesco nowadays. The only problem was that one of the gloves was missing. But Thomas, undeterred as ever, cunningly disguised this fault by hanging a bat from his hand.... Obvious, really.

When I got home he jumped on me from behind. Evil boy! Today's youth don't know their place.




Considerate individual that he is, Thomas also ensured I had a costume. Can you guess which one's Thomas and which is me? Here's a clue - I generally keep my teeth in better shape.

I don't on the whole enjoy fancy dress. It can often be costly and is rarely fun. I've been to parties where I haven't bothered and everyone else has overdone it, and I've been to parties where I've really gone for it and no-one else is bothered. It's best just not to suggest it in the first place. Better still, don't have any parties. There's an episode of Black Books where Manny excitedly calls out, "let's pppaaaaarrrtttt -" to be interrupted by Bernard: "Don't you dare use the word party as a verb in my house!"

Too right.

Three things about Cheshire

I am starting to reflect more on Cheshire since the Goostrey exhibition. It's not my favourite county, but I'm becoming a little less cynical about the place. Here's three things to ponder.

1. Goldplated: the new Channel Four show about the Cheshire high life. What nonsense. Avoid at all costs. This isn't about Cheshire, it's about the parlous state of modern TV drama. Cheshire is much nicer.

2. Old People: there's plenty. I catered for the Natwest Pensioners coffee morning yesterday. What wonderful people they are. Very demanding about their coffee, but a cornerstone of society. I can't wait to be one.

3. Nantwich: lovely. I never give it a second thought, but I went with my Mum today and it's a beautiful little town. Tip: don't eat at the Cafe de Paris.

Ok - it's not much, but it's a start.

Integrity

In a recent episode of Extras, Ricky Gervais accidently insulted a boy with autism. The show satirised the media frenzy resulting from his character's error by tracing how the media exaggerated the story until the papers were reporting that he hit the boy and his mother. He was only able to save himself by buying the boy a Nintendo.

Tabloid stuff, you might think. Well, not anymore. Observe the comparable frenzy resulting from Jack Straw's recent ill-judged remark about Muslim women's veils. Newsnight got caught up in it after it emerged that the same day, a woman had her headscarf snatched from her at a bus-stop. Kirsty Wark was clearly personally aggravated by the whole thing. In her interview with two Muslim women, she repeatedly tried to trick them into admitting they were forced to wear veils by their husbands. Later, in the studio, she got her guests ranting about this terrible society where a woman could have her veil snatched off her face. It wasn't a veil, Kirsty! It was a headscarf. Loads of people wear headscarfs! What will we hear tomorrow - that the man at the bus-stop hit her too? I hope he can afford that Nintendo.